A Can of Lychees

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Father Larry Lorenzoni

Early last year before entering Form Six, I worked temporarily at the customer service counter of a departmental store. My job as a customer service assistant included all sorts of things ranging from redirecting phone calls to making announcements through the PA system. And not to mention, braving barrage of cursings from dissatisfied customers who came to the counter to vent their anger more than to file complaints.

Despite the wide range of “odd jobs” we covered, gift-wrapping was the main sevice our list of duties. Though it could be very hectic during festive seasons, it was not short of amusing encounters. Some people can be very creative (and cheeky) when it comes to buying presents.

Once, there came a Vietnamese who wanted a present to be wrapped. It was a wedding gift to one of his friends. I could no longer recall what was the main item he bought, but he asked for a small box to dump it in together with a couple of CD’s in a black plastic bag. Charles, my Indian colleague looked at him in a manner – which made me so confused – and grinned like an accordion. The Vietnamese guy had a mischievious look on his face, too.

“It’s blue film,” Charles whispered to me.

Oh.

Being a kind friend as he was, the guy even bought his friend a packet of condoms. Wow, how thoughtful!

Working there for three months, my colleague, Gilbert (who was also working temporarily like me) and I got infected by the creative bug as well. We decided to buy something “special” for everyone on our last day at work.

And so, we gave a chinese brush to Charles, who didn’t know Chinese – of course, he could have given it to his daughter as a paint brush. Sam, our supervisor who didn’t own a car was given a bottle of battery water – unless he planned to drink it as distilled water, it would practically come to no use to him. On the other hand, we bought Woondy, the PR officer a “Please Flush After Use” sticker for her toilet – primarily because we couldn’t come up with something better. As for Miss Cheah, the other PR officer, we gave her a packet of bee hoon – that was her nickname.

I guess those are the sins I have to atone for, when I unexpectedly became a victim to my “thoughtful” classmates.

I skipped school last Friday since we are doing nothing much in school currently. The weather was perfect for me to hibernate at home. Then, too, it was my birthday and going to school on your birthday isn’t a very sound idea, considering all sorts of things that could possibly happen to you, as is the “culture” of hormone-enraged teenagers.

Mr Wise Guy’s dissapointment could be vaguely sensed in his SMS: “Hey, why are you absent? We’ve bought you a birthday present!” What I could not sense, though, was the evil grin on his face.

Oh, how sweet! So I thought until I received a second message from a teacher who, in a jeering tone, informed me that my present was a can of lychees!

What the heck!

For the same reason, I think we should be buying fish balls or prawns for Chris’s birthday next month.

To those who know the intended meaning of this cruel prank: you can stop laughing now! To those who catch no ball: sorry for losing you!

In another unrelated matter, I’m still having a headache deciding what to buy for my friend’s birthday next week. Maybe something he’ll never get a chance to use. Something like a brassiere, perhaps?

By the way, I hope no one finished my can of lychees during my absence from school!