SMS Etiquette

I don’t know about you, but when I don’t receive a reply I expect, it can only mean: one, the person has been fried (together with his cellphone in the pocket) by laser-zapping aliens; or two, he has gone to heaven and forgot to bring his cellphone along.

According to the cellphone’s message counter, I sent 23 messages more than the number that I received. That’s an unhealthy trend alright. Conclusion: Most people have better things to do than to reply my messages.

Just in case you are not aware, it’s rather frustrating to wait for someone to reply your messages. Perhaps, I’m already spoilt by the endangered few who have a clean record of instant-reply within merely five seconds. Of course, I try not to be unreasonable – jabbing those micro-sized keys on the handphone might prove challenging for people with fat, stubby fingers. So, if you’re one of those who take forever to reply my messages and coincidentally, you’re from this “physically-challenged” group of people, I pardon you.

Maybe some people just don’t understand when a reply is necessary. So, here’s two simple guidelines. Firstly, if you received something like, “Hey! I rolled off my bed last night and I think I cracked my head!”, you have no obligations whatsoever to send a reply – the person he should be talking to is a neurosurgeon, not you. Secondly, 99.99% of the time, the sender expects a reply from you if he ends his message with question mark – the other 0.01% accounts for rhetorical questions, of course.

So, how long does it take for an average person to send a reply?

Within five seconds. These are rare Olympic-trained SMS-ers who treat the issue of instant-replying as ethical issues. They apparently have nothing better to do than sending short messages.

One day. Once, I sent a message and expecting a reply, waited for a full day before receiving it. Unless you’re living on planet Wachabalucha or Omicron Persei half a “light-day” away, there is practically no excuse for late replies.

An eternity. Face it. These are the people who have better things to do than to reply you. I don’t know about you, but when I don’t receive a reply I expect, it can only mean: one, the person has been fried (together with his cellphone in the pocket) by laser-zapping aliens; or two, he has gone to heaven and forgot to bring his cellphone along.

At the end of the spectrum, I once received an absurd message from a wacko. It read, “Just to let you know I’m still alive. And I’m glad to know that you are, too!” Oh, did he fall off his bed?

With the advent of wireless communication technology, even the monks are more sophisticated than they used to be. You see, living in a monastery can be quite boring sometimes. Recently, with major public exams looming right ahead, some monk decided to offer his blessings to students who are about to sit for the tests.

“Om parayatna… blah blah blah… You will get A’s in your coming exam. Please send this message to nine friends or you’ll fail terribly. (Muahahahaha!) This blessing comes from Temple Sidharwati blah blah blah.”

And so, I had no choice but to be so kind as to spread around the blessing, and also an altered version from Pope Benedict. Minutes later, I received the same message from a friend of mine – who was obviously irritated – except that the Monk wanted me to send it to 999 people instead of just nine! Oh great! Now I’m cursed!

Anyway, I wonder when is the Dalai Lama going to send me his blessings?