War Propaganda

I've made an important discovery. A discovery of great implications:

Vacuum cleaners just aren't made to contain roaches.

And that's bad news. Really bad news. Because I seem to be having a pest problem with cockroaches. And the only weapon that I have in my disposal to defend the fort against these ugly invaders is the vacuum cleaner. I don't feel like squashing them. Pardon my choice of words but they look "juicy". I don't want to do the clean-up after squashing them!

So, what I've been doing until now is to sneak up at them with the vacuum cleaner and, "Whoosh!" suck them away for good! I owe the idea to the Ghostbusters. The "ghost trap" works by sucking the evil spirits and containing them in it. My vacuum-cleaner-cum-roach-trap works with the same concept.

But alas! A vacuum cleaner sucks roaches well but not is as good in containing them. Wait, vacuum cleaners are for sucking up dust. Heck that explains it! Dust don't escape but roaches do! Make note, make note: Gotta call up customer support to tell them about this defect in their product...

I've been consulting my friends on ways to contain the situation but so far I only get cold responses.

"No, you don't kill cockroaches. You co-exist with them!" YY said in so calm a manner that almost makes me wonder if she has mistaken roaches as hamsters. "I have cockroaches in my room to and I talk to them!" Yeah, right, freak!

And as for my neighbour, J, who lives two doors next to me, he couldn't have been more blasé when he replied, "Cockroaches? Oh yeah, there are cockroaches, alright..."

What's wrong with these people? They're harrassed by invading roaches who are claiming territory over their rooms and yet they're not taking any action! That's the problem with people nowadays; they are just too lackadaisical!

That's not the attitude, boys and girls! You squash each and every one of the roaches that crosses your path. And yes, that's what I'm going to do after discovering the flaw with the vacuum cleaner. No more taking prisoners. Kill and ask questions later! No mercy for the roaches! (Waving sandals frantically) Roaches supposed to be hated because: One, they're ugly. Two, they've hairy legs (No offense towards people with hairy legs). Three, they're ugly. In short, it's the worst practical joke mother nature has ever played.

Here's what you do when you come across one of those ugly pests. One, squash it. Two, squash it again just to be sure. Three, you may choose to clean-up or leave the casualty behind as an example to his brethrens.

People! This battles calls for constant vigilence! We're dealing with one of the hardiest creatures in the world. We're dealing with monsters which survive up to two weeks after decapitation; monsters that can live for 45 minutes without air.

But, hear ye! Hear ye! Let us not be gripped with fear. And most important of all, never let your guard down! For this is war! May mankind prevail!

Nothing is for free... Or maybe not?

Vodafone Japan, after being taken over by Softbank March last year, launched a series of aggressive marketing plans to regain it's position in the Japanese market. After all, the mobile business is primarily monopolised by NTT Docomo and AU KDDI, the two mobile company giants in Japan.

In January, "White Plan" was launched. Customers under this plan are entitled to free domestic voice calls to other Softbank numbers from 1am to 9pm (well, that's virtually the whole day). The price? 980 yen. Which is like less than 50% of the basic payment charged by other companies, even under student price. Then, later, came "W White Plan" - voice calls to numbers of other companies at half price for an additional 980 yen per month. And, if that's not good enough for you, there's even a "White Plan Family Discount 24" - free calls between family members throughout the whole day, in addition to those benefits offered to White Plan subscribers.

"Now, what's the trick? How on earth do they make profit from free phone calls?"

No one knows. Of course, it could probably be a commercial geek: to attract customers. Despite the fact that I know nothing about business, logic tells me that when you start to have more than four million users subscribing to these call plans, the company's going to turn into a big charity organization.

The recent commercial on "White Plan Family Discount 24" kept me thinking. If you haven't already seen it, check it out on You Tube or better still, from Softbank's commercial gallery.


Basically, it goes like this.

Aya's brother (God knows why he's a Black while she's obviously a Japanese) comes over to the reception, asking Aya about the White Plan Family Discount 24.

"With the call plan, domestic voice calls to family members are free of charge 24 hours a day." Aya explains.

"But, why? I don't understand."

"Me neither... " Aya admits. Then, turning to the dog accompanying his brother to the shop, adds, "And why is it that dad is a dog?"

"There's a reason behind everything!" replies "dad".

"Reason? Then, what's the 'reason', dad?" asks Aya.

"It's too early for you to find out!" exclaims "dad".

Now, back to the question: Nothing's for free. So what's the catch? "There's a reason behind everything."

"It's too early for you to find out!"

Excerpts from Essays in Love

For a moment, I fantasized I might transform myself into a carton of yogurt so as to undergo the same process of being gently and thoughtfully accommodated by her into a shopping bag between a tin of tuna and a bottle of olive oil. ~Alain de Button

Some excerpts and quotes from Ellipsis, the last chapter of Essays in Love, by Alain de Button:

"There is an Arabic saying that the soul travels at the pace of a camel. While we are forced ahead by the relentless dynamic of the timetabled present, our soul, the seat of the heart, trails nostalgically behind, burdened by the weight of memory. If every love affair adds a certain weight to the camel's load, then we can expect the soul to slow according to the significance of love's burden..."

"The present held nothing for me, the past had become the only inhabitable tense."

"...Yet guilt accompanied this forgetting. It was no longer her absence that wounded me, but my growing indifference to it. Forgetting was a reminder of death, of loss, of infidelity to what I had at one time held so dear."

"The camel became lighter and lighter as it walked through time, it kept shaking memories and photos off its back, scattering them over the desert floor and letting the wind bury them in the sand, and gradually the camel became so light that it could trot and even gallop in its own crious way - until one day, in a small oasis that called itself the present, the exhausted creature finally caught up with the rest of me."

The Damnation of the Crows

He summoneth the eldest of the crows and sayeth to him, "I shall now descend into the deepest Slumber. But be warneth, should I awaken before I intend to, which is at the end of Time, thou and together with thou, thy sons and daughters and wife shalt be punisheth."

And thus, He sleepeth, never intending to awake till after many a trip the sun didst make around the earth and after many a summer to come.

His Slumber, the eldest of the crows looketh on. And after he dieth, the eldest of his son looketh on. And again, after he dieth, the eldest of his son looketh on. And so it goeth on, till many a generation didst pass.

Then cometh one day, the youngest of the crows cometh by, and seeth Him in His Eternal Slumber, sayeth, "Hast he not passed on to the World Beyond?" for the youngest ones are always the most ignorant.

"No. He is not dead but sleepeth." sayeth the oldest of the crows. "For He is not alike the mortal beings that breathe the air. He liveth on as he willeth, till all the flowers whither and all the creatures that roameth the earth perisheth and the sun in the heavens burneth into ashes and raineth upon the earth."

"But, hast He not arisen since the days of our grandfathers' grandfathers? He didst walk but only in the folklores. Now, He is but dead. So let us rejoice, I say! I shall not keep the beak silent any longer for it tireth me not to crow. What good is a crow if crow it dost not?"

"Rejoice, my merry fellows! Rejoice, for He hast passed on to the World Beyond!" sayeth the youngest of the crows.

"No! You fool!" sayeth the oldest of the crows.

But alas, it dost no good. The words pass on from beak to beak and for a moment, there is silence. Then, the silence breaketh into the merriest celebration. They sing for the first time the sweetest tunes passed down by their grandfathers' grandfathers, but so long have their beaks remained not in use that their voice turneth so coarse. All creatures stuff their ears with stones and pebbles or whatever they can find for it paineth the ears to listen to so terrible an ensemble.

In the middle of the chaos, He awaketh from his Eternal Slumber and findeth that it is not yet the end of Time, for the flowers still bloom and the creatures still roam the earth and the Sun still burneth in the heavens .

"Woe is me!" sayeth He. "Behold your Lord, the all-benevolent God, who shall now strike thee with a bolt of lightning! And thou shalt be condemned to eternal damnation, for that, and that alone is the punishment befitting those who dare awaken Him from His Eternal Slumber!"

And the heavens crack open with the deepest roar and He delievereth His promise, sending a bolt of lightning at every crow that deserveth his punishment. Scramble they do but He spareth not their lives.

And in this manner, His wrath rageth on until every crow that didst roam the earth burneth into ash. Then only, He descendeth into another peaceful Slumber.

And thus, never will the world hear again about the crows. Only in songs shall they live on. And let it passe down for generations to come and serve as a reminder for the obstinates who believe not in His powers.

~Nonsense, Chapter 31:3-81, The Damnation of the Crows

* * * * *

Bloody crows. Can't they just let this poor guy sleep longer even just for the weekend?

Disclaimer: This is just some nonsense penned by a sleep-deprived crackpot, courtesy of the crows.

15 Minutes to Tanabata

Tanabata (七夕), meaning "Seven Evenings") is a Japanese star festival, derived from Obon traditions and the Chinese star festival, Qi Xi. The festival is usually held on July 7, and celebrates the meeting of Orihime (Vega) and Hikoboshi (Altair). The Milky Way, a river made from stars that crosses the sky, separates these lovers, and they are allowed to meet only once a year. This special day is the seventh day of the seventh lunar month of the lunisolar calendar. ~Wikipedia: Tanabata

"Another 15 minutes to Tanabata. Make a wish and you'll meet your true love. Come on, I'll make one on your behalf." her message read.

This is not just any Tanabata but one of significant meaning; it's 07 July of the year '07 and yet I wouldn't realised it's Tanabata if not for the message.

Make a wish. Make a wish.

Oh great. How do you make one?

I don't know. I don't know. Just make a wish for goodness sake.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm not going to screw this up.

Okay, okay. Don't panick.

0000 hours. Made a wish anyway. Though I can't recall exactly how I phrased it.

"Can't see any stars. It's too cloudy!" she complained.

Uh, am I supposed to have made my wish to the stars? Gosh, I just made one to the walls.

Shucks. I screwed up alright. There goes the 07.07.07 Tanabata!

Reunion and Parting

Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven. ~Tryon Edwards

Be it the "cheat-kansen" or densha, it was great how they took the effort coming all the way back to Tokyo, just for a small party. I'm usually not the party-goer type, but I'm glad I went.

Of course, not everyone could make it; only slightly more than ten of us did. Even though this isn't really the gang I always hang out with in gaidai, there's the feeling of attachment nonetheless. After all, there's no way of bonding better than by staying in the same dorm for a year. We were an international community in the small campus. We may be gaijins but we feel at home because we are a family, brought together purely by providence. We may be in a foreign land but at least there's a strong sense of belonging among ourselves.

Reunion and parting. The former reminds you of the fond memories: it's an emotional roller coaster ride that brings you back from the present to the past. The latter reminds you of how things are no longer the way they used to be: it's a depressing ride from the past back to the present. Then, you start wishing that you don't have to part again, even though you know that nothing in life is for an eternity.

Not long ago, I've just eventually tuned up to the rhythm of my new life in university, but now the reunion reminds me of the good old days we used to have. The feeling of nostalgia gnaws at the heart. I'm all lonely once more.

Sigh. Now I have to tune back to my life again.