The Damnation of the Crows

He summoneth the eldest of the crows and sayeth to him, "I shall now descend into the deepest Slumber. But be warneth, should I awaken before I intend to, which is at the end of Time, thou and together with thou, thy sons and daughters and wife shalt be punisheth."

And thus, He sleepeth, never intending to awake till after many a trip the sun didst make around the earth and after many a summer to come.

His Slumber, the eldest of the crows looketh on. And after he dieth, the eldest of his son looketh on. And again, after he dieth, the eldest of his son looketh on. And so it goeth on, till many a generation didst pass.

Then cometh one day, the youngest of the crows cometh by, and seeth Him in His Eternal Slumber, sayeth, "Hast he not passed on to the World Beyond?" for the youngest ones are always the most ignorant.

"No. He is not dead but sleepeth." sayeth the oldest of the crows. "For He is not alike the mortal beings that breathe the air. He liveth on as he willeth, till all the flowers whither and all the creatures that roameth the earth perisheth and the sun in the heavens burneth into ashes and raineth upon the earth."

"But, hast He not arisen since the days of our grandfathers' grandfathers? He didst walk but only in the folklores. Now, He is but dead. So let us rejoice, I say! I shall not keep the beak silent any longer for it tireth me not to crow. What good is a crow if crow it dost not?"

"Rejoice, my merry fellows! Rejoice, for He hast passed on to the World Beyond!" sayeth the youngest of the crows.

"No! You fool!" sayeth the oldest of the crows.

But alas, it dost no good. The words pass on from beak to beak and for a moment, there is silence. Then, the silence breaketh into the merriest celebration. They sing for the first time the sweetest tunes passed down by their grandfathers' grandfathers, but so long have their beaks remained not in use that their voice turneth so coarse. All creatures stuff their ears with stones and pebbles or whatever they can find for it paineth the ears to listen to so terrible an ensemble.

In the middle of the chaos, He awaketh from his Eternal Slumber and findeth that it is not yet the end of Time, for the flowers still bloom and the creatures still roam the earth and the Sun still burneth in the heavens .

"Woe is me!" sayeth He. "Behold your Lord, the all-benevolent God, who shall now strike thee with a bolt of lightning! And thou shalt be condemned to eternal damnation, for that, and that alone is the punishment befitting those who dare awaken Him from His Eternal Slumber!"

And the heavens crack open with the deepest roar and He delievereth His promise, sending a bolt of lightning at every crow that deserveth his punishment. Scramble they do but He spareth not their lives.

And in this manner, His wrath rageth on until every crow that didst roam the earth burneth into ash. Then only, He descendeth into another peaceful Slumber.

And thus, never will the world hear again about the crows. Only in songs shall they live on. And let it passe down for generations to come and serve as a reminder for the obstinates who believe not in His powers.

~Nonsense, Chapter 31:3-81, The Damnation of the Crows

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Bloody crows. Can't they just let this poor guy sleep longer even just for the weekend?

Disclaimer: This is just some nonsense penned by a sleep-deprived crackpot, courtesy of the crows.