War Propaganda

I've made an important discovery. A discovery of great implications:

Vacuum cleaners just aren't made to contain roaches.

And that's bad news. Really bad news. Because I seem to be having a pest problem with cockroaches. And the only weapon that I have in my disposal to defend the fort against these ugly invaders is the vacuum cleaner. I don't feel like squashing them. Pardon my choice of words but they look "juicy". I don't want to do the clean-up after squashing them!

So, what I've been doing until now is to sneak up at them with the vacuum cleaner and, "Whoosh!" suck them away for good! I owe the idea to the Ghostbusters. The "ghost trap" works by sucking the evil spirits and containing them in it. My vacuum-cleaner-cum-roach-trap works with the same concept.

But alas! A vacuum cleaner sucks roaches well but not is as good in containing them. Wait, vacuum cleaners are for sucking up dust. Heck that explains it! Dust don't escape but roaches do! Make note, make note: Gotta call up customer support to tell them about this defect in their product...

I've been consulting my friends on ways to contain the situation but so far I only get cold responses.

"No, you don't kill cockroaches. You co-exist with them!" YY said in so calm a manner that almost makes me wonder if she has mistaken roaches as hamsters. "I have cockroaches in my room to and I talk to them!" Yeah, right, freak!

And as for my neighbour, J, who lives two doors next to me, he couldn't have been more blasé when he replied, "Cockroaches? Oh yeah, there are cockroaches, alright..."

What's wrong with these people? They're harrassed by invading roaches who are claiming territory over their rooms and yet they're not taking any action! That's the problem with people nowadays; they are just too lackadaisical!

That's not the attitude, boys and girls! You squash each and every one of the roaches that crosses your path. And yes, that's what I'm going to do after discovering the flaw with the vacuum cleaner. No more taking prisoners. Kill and ask questions later! No mercy for the roaches! (Waving sandals frantically) Roaches supposed to be hated because: One, they're ugly. Two, they've hairy legs (No offense towards people with hairy legs). Three, they're ugly. In short, it's the worst practical joke mother nature has ever played.

Here's what you do when you come across one of those ugly pests. One, squash it. Two, squash it again just to be sure. Three, you may choose to clean-up or leave the casualty behind as an example to his brethrens.

People! This battles calls for constant vigilence! We're dealing with one of the hardiest creatures in the world. We're dealing with monsters which survive up to two weeks after decapitation; monsters that can live for 45 minutes without air.

But, hear ye! Hear ye! Let us not be gripped with fear. And most important of all, never let your guard down! For this is war! May mankind prevail!