Ain't So Unique

Penguins mate for life. That doesn't surprise me much because they all look alike. ~Anonymous

It's rather common how some people may almost totally resemble someone else whom they're not even distantly related to.

A friend of mine is fondly called "Spiderman" because of his Toby McGuire looks. (Although to me, he looks more like the lead actor who stars in a Cantonese serial drama, Healing Hands.) At the place where I worked, there's an engineer who looked just like my history teacher.

That's no big deal, right? "Elvis Presley" is often seen strolling by the Mississippi; Osama look-alike sells roti canai at a mamak stall in Taiping. As long as you don't resemble some porn star or a king pin high up on Interpol's wanted list, you probably won't draw any more than a couple of comments.

Two years ago, I worked in a supermarket at the information counter with a friend. Many customers and colleagues thought we were brothers. And because of our similar age, some even went further by surmising we were twins! When we explained that we weren't, they'd frown as if it was an April Fool joke.

Once, a classmate told me that she knew of a person from another school who resembled me.

Back at the engineering consultancy where I worked, I looked like another colleague (though I really, really disagree). And when I was having lunch with a schoolmate, someone at my workplace bumped into us and later asked me if I was having lunch with my "brother".

This "match-the-same-pieces" game didn't end there. My boss thought I looked like one of his friends.

Oh god! Why on earth do I look like so many people whom I have not even met? No, let me rephrase - why on earth do so many people look like me? I guess, when you have brains and looks like mine, people just can't refrain from stealing your DNA.

Is this some kind of conspiracy? Is there a mad scientist attempting to build an clone army using my "highly divine and refined" genes?

Nah, maybe there's a more plausible explanation. Perhaps, we shared the same ancestral roots. Perhaps, our traits are passed down by the same cavemen Mr and Mrs Abukaka eons ago. Whatever reason it is, this is getting rather eerie.

But, what to do? Sue them for copyright infringement? Too bad my parents didn't get me patented.

Cloud Nine

Oh, Jesus Holy Christ! I'm having a taste of what "heaven" is like! Heck, I'm high! (*Grinning like a psycho.)

God, I was at the Pearly Gates just now. And guess what, I met St Peter!

Me: Uh, is this heaven? Oh my, it's so heavenly! (Duh!)
St Peter: Yes, indeed. Your name, please.
...
St Peter: You're a good guy. But, hmm... According to my Big Book, it's not your time yet. How did you get here?
Me: Uh, I'm not sure. But I swear I'm not on drugs!
St Peter: There must be some kind of mistake then. Off you go! Back to where you came from!

And, before I knew, I was back in reality.

But, hey! It's still heavenly over here! (*Pinched and slapped myself.) So, I'm not dreaming, eh? Phew!

Wahahaha! I'm the happiest guy alive! I just got a scholarship offer to study in Japan! And they're giving me what I want - mechanical engineering! What could've been a better news than this?

For one thing, I don't have to worry about my STPM results anymore. Thinking of how badly I did in my Chemistry paper, any hope to secure a scholarship with my STPM results is nil. Thank goodness the Monbukagakusho scholarship doesn't consider the results! Or else, I'd be ruined!

What's more, it's a full scholarship - school fees, accomodation, stipends - everything taken care of! There's not even a bond; no strings attached! The Japanese government sure is generous. Thanks!

Of course, studying in Japan is not going to be easy. Culture shock aside, there's that immense pressure in studies. I'm taking my preparatory language course in Tokyo University but in order to stay there for the Major, I'll have to get perfect score (yes, perfect score) for Japanese paper and high marks (translation: above 90) for the other subjects. It's the number one university in Asia after all! But then, there's also Kyoto University. It's popular in mechanical engineering and it's the second best in Japan.

The greatest incentive for studying in Japan, however, is the invaluable exposure. I guess, there's a price to pay for everything! Who knows, I might be able to get a pretty Japanese girlfriend! Ok, just joking. No harm daydreaming, right? Hmm... I'm thinking of quitting my job as a "chief engineer" soon!

Gosh, I'm in such an excellent mood that I wouldn't even think of retaliating even if you were to kick my ass! Ha!

Yes, I'm Working

Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets. ~Anonymous

I'm not suggesting I'm psychic, but some people can be so predictable. These days, they'd most likely ask me whether I'm currently working. When I reply, "Yes, I'm working," the next question would be "Where're you working?". Alright, I'm sick of repeating and I'll tell you now once and for all so as to satiate those inquisitive people out there.

I'm working temporarily as a trainee chief engineer in an civil engineering consultancy - office hour, from 9 to 5. My job is to check blue prints and make sure there're no mistakes before they're submitted. You think that's easy job? It has more to do than approving blue prints all day long; it's tedious job, man! I have to carefully scrutinise every beam, column and slab of the structure. Even a tiny mistake can result in the structure crumbling under the fundamental forces of nature!

Of course, not everyone can take up this job. For god's sake, I attended a two-week intensive course, sat for two tests and went through two stages of interview. So, you bet only the cream will make it till the end.

The pay? Ah, not much. Only a mere 16 hundred bucks; but that's good enough for a trainee like me.

By the way, if you're still looking for a temporary job to keep yourself occupied during the holidays, I'm glad to inform you that our firm still has a vacancy for a trainee draftsman. No background knowledge of civil engineering whatsoever is required. We'll train you from scratch. Your job as a draftsman is to help us engineers correct technical drawings as told. So, basically, you need not have to understand what you're doing. We'll give you a minimum basic pay of 600. And, don't worry, I take good care of my subordinates.

Okay, I guess that's enough. Before my nose fully grows into a tree branch, here's the truth: I'm working as a trainee draftsman.

Tsk, tsk. Some people can be so gullible, apart from being predictable...

I'm a Genius

To appreciate thoroughly the work of what we call genius, is to possess all the genius by which the work was produced. ~Edgar Allan Poe

Uh-oh, narcissicm strikes again! This time, I think I'm a genius!

You see, a few days back, my level of motivation was at an all-time low, thanks to certain frustrations. I reckoned that I need to do something to boost my ego and stop wallowing in self-pity. It was then I got the ambitious idea of designing a new template for my one-year-old blog.

And so I began - putting my sanity to test by attempting to make a template from scratch. First, I needed a cool picture for the header. To tell the truth, I've been looking for one ages ago but only ended up with some "poorly-attempted" pieces of artwork which were hardly up to my aristocratic taste. It so happened that I coincidentally stumbled upon a website with wonderful works of art recently. Imagine my joy and awe upon discovering and artwork abstract enough for me to crop here and there - using primitive photo-editing tools, eg. Paint, no kidding - and yet not ruin the aesthetics of the work! Brilliant! That was exactly what I needed!

Then, the next phase - the template. This, my friend, is the most crucial and frustrating part of template designing. No doubt I was burning with enthusiasm to tailor a new template for my blog. But trading one form of frustration for another? No way!

Luckily, the muses eventually sang to me and I was bursting with inspirations; unluckily, things always get into the way of a genius. Different browsers rendered different results for totally identical source codes. For goodness sake, why can't everyone just stick to Firefox? Just in case you're an ignorant web user, it's free! Plus, it's a whole lot safer than Billy O' Gates' favourite browser, Internet Explorer! Or at least that's what the tech gurus claim; I'm just singing along!

Still, even with my noble ambition to cater to my faithful readers who use various browsers, I eventually prevailed! So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs, idiots from all walks of life, lo and behold! This is my blog's new look! - not a typical ugly template designed by people with colour blind or with lousy artistic skills; this is truly a work of art! Yes, yes, thanks for the standing ovation!

Now, you, too, think I'm a genius, don't you?

Perverted Thoughts

I try to live the moment and not obey laws, rules, conventions, or norms; to react to a sensation, a feeling, or an emotion. ~Anne Parillaud

On the night of new year eve, I openly declared my new year wish: I wished that it would rain that night; the heavier the merrier! The main reason wasn't to flush away the heat which was getting on my nerves; it was to ruin the new year celebrations! (*Evil laughter)

Hopelessly psychotic! Yeah, I can be such a spoilsport!

Ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a perfect example of a neurotic patient, courtesy of the adverse effects of TV programmes.

Dang! I knew I should't be watching too much of the TV series, House. The maverick Dr House has got a negative influence on me - I think I'm becoming anti-social. These days, there're all sorts of perverted thoughts running in my head. Mind you, by "perverted", I mean "deviating from the norms".

For starters, I'm starting to have a general distaste towards all forms of celebrations. I celebrate neither Hanukkah, Diwali nor Hari Raya. And I seriously believe that Christmas is an evil scheme plotted by unscrupulous capitalists to encourage overspending in the name of "holiday spirit". New year? You mean you want me to join the crowd in Gurney Drive for the countdown, yelling like headless chickens? Don't forget also that the fireworks display pollutes the air.

Besides, I'm getting morose these days. And I'm pretty sure the world is shrinking too. That should explain why people seem to get more irritating nowadays. Can someone just drop me off in Alaska or Outer Mongolia where I can have the whole piece of land all to myself and live as a hermit? Free of peer pressure, earthly concerns and the eyes that judge your every action, life should be a whole lot better. Just give me a peace of mind.

Most importantly, a hermit doesn't have to worry about anyone else other than himself. Lesson of life: Love yourself more than your neighbours and all of humanity because loving someone means giving the person a chance to hurt you. Withdraw into your own little circle. Who cares what people out there think about you? You have your own idiosyncracies. Make your own rules. There's no need to conform to orthodox mentalities.

Now, will you just leave me alone to entertain my perverted thoughts? But before that, I have to shoot that irritating idiot loitering in front of my yard.

Oh god, I'm spouting nonsense!