"I Work Miracles!"

Of course, before we know he is a saint, there will have to be miracles. ~Graham Greene

“I work miracles!” That was the first thing GG told us. At the instant, I knew my impression on him was definitely not going to turn good. Frankly, I just couldn’t clear away any prejudgments I had of him when he, with such orotundity, declared in his booming voice that he had made “miracles” before – a classic example of a braggart.

One thing I was quite disappointed was that he was speaking in Chinese. I’ve heard of how terrible his English was when he gave the speech in the other classes. Not that I didn’t know that. Two years ago, when he was still a student in our school, he took part in some public speaking contest. Though he didn’t care to properly pronouce a bundle of words in a prepared speech, he acted with such superiority and arrogance that immediately turned him into an infamous icon among those who are slightly acquainted with him.

Oh yeah, as we later learned, Mr Braggart did not really work miracles. He fell short of someone like Moses, but was rather a quack. He didn’t tranform water into wine. Neither did he cross the Red Sea with the water rising up in two walls. What he achieved was turning himself from a person who never touched a ball before, into a basket ball coach. Bah! As if that’s any big deal. And I just don’t feel like repeating how he bragged about training a lousy basket ball team which had not won any tournament into an A-team that took part in state-level tournaments. Heck, he took all the credits to himself!

“You should be able to complete three maths questions in this forty minutes – if you think your future is worth that three questions,” Mr Braggart went on.

Whoa! He might not be a Saint who works miracles but he certainly had foresight, to some extent. That was exactly what was on my mind, only that I thought better of it and decided to let him have a try on me, though I knew dead well from the beginning that he was not a pleasant person to meet. I don’t know why, but this guy just did not merit my respect and attention. The more he bragged, the more he filled me with indignation.

“Raise your hand if you’re a boy!” he yelled (without the necessity to do so) like a total maniac. – “Duh!”

I decided to do physics.

Calculate the r.m.s current through the capacitor… r.m.s current… r.m.s. curr–

“I want to be an entrepreneur! I want to make big moneys! (sic)” Mr Braggart’s booming voice disrupted my train of thought. Now, we really had a taste of his Singlish (this guy is currently studying in Singapore)! He then went on saying something I didn’t not care to listen to. But I did catch him repeating “moneys” a couple of times.

… and the cathode to the negative terminal, the diode is said to be forward-biased.

“Some students tell that they going to (sic) study medicine and some going to (sic) do engineering.” Oh, nausea had started to set in.

Meanwhile, KT was getting impatient and started to talk. Mr Braggart swept him a side-way glance and delivered a fatal blitz. At one point, when Mr Braggart talked about sports hypnosis, YC innocently asked for a demonstration (yes, he was innocent) but Mr Braggart ignored him.

In the rest of his speech, Mr Braggart hyped about how he got his four A’s in STPM despite the fact that he scored poorly in school exams. Hey, it doesn't qualify as a miracle if you get good results by studying hard. By using the word "miracle", he was delivering the sublime message that one can success (sic) without effort. (Mr Braggart's style: "I want to see you success!")

“I work miracles!” Sigh, there the megalomaniac went again.

Of course, as Mr Braggart went on telling us his miracles, he continued banging the table and yelling as if his pants were on fire. What a wacko he was! Luckily, JJ was absent from school. Otherwise, I dare not imagine how a fierce debate would ensue.

“Normally, I’d need more than an hour to explain to you about my course. But I’m running out of time now and have only five minutes,” Mr Braggart elucidated with genuine disappointment.

“Thank God”, I was mumbling.

Finally, Mr Braggart revealed his ultimate motive – something about signing up for his motivation course which costs RM 200 an hour for a group. But he was slashing down the fee to RM 15 since he would love to contribute to his Alma Mater. Oh, he also gave us some statistics on the number of students from other classes that signed up and kept mentioning how good was the response from a biology class. (He learned sports hynopsis, remember?) I guess he was implicitly challenging us to break the record!

Ha! Imagine the disappointed look on his face when less than a handful of us signed up for his course while the rest gladly left for home!

By the end of his speech, I’ve wasted forty minutes – which I’d gladly indulge in chatting. I wonder if that cost me RM 15?

I know some braggarts (grin) but GG is definitely the most intolerable one I’ve met. I later found out many of the others share the same view as I do. GG could be a great orator or motivator but his style definitely does not suit me. Perhaps, he should consider being a politician instead!