The Last Straw

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit." ~Bill Maher

Sometimes, life can be so cruel. Disharmony in love life, work-related stress, depression, conflicts… All in a sudden, everything seems so bleak when one seemingly comes to the end of the road. It eventually doesn’t take much before the “snap” comes with the last straw. That is when one starts contemplating to hasten his/her departure to the realm where no traveller returns.

The news of her death came as a shock.

Even though suicide cases are oft reported in the newspapers nowadays, it is totally a different story when that happens to someone you know–it sounds totally like a nonsensical possibility to you. “That can’t be true,” you keep telling yourself.

But, how can I not believe the truth when the newspaper has already reported her tragic end?

“We didn’t notice anything amiss,” the report cited her relatives and colleagues. Yet, just because someone looks all right, does it really mean he/she is really fine?

As I searched my memory, all I could gather of her is a quiet lady with a mild temperament. I still remember those rebellious days when we refused to reach the lab on time. As I recall those few occassions when she reprimanded us for being late for her class, my conscience couldn’t help sending me a tinge of guilt and remorse. Anyway, she didn't show her temper most of the time. Many people would have mistaken her as an easygoing person and thus, would at times take her for granted.

Again, as I always say, while some people find it relieving to spill everything out, others prefer not to. A sorrowful person may be masking his/her grief with a smiling face but do we realise the ragged soul struggling beneath? There were times when she looked so troubled, staring blankly, as if she was deep in thought, or so I observed. She seemed to be keeping problems to herself. However, who would have given much thought to such a “trivial” matter then?

Christianity condemns suicide as a failure to uphold the sanctity of human life. In fact, it was decreed as a sin by Saint Augustine. But from the perspective of an atheist, I feel that one should have the right to decide the way to end his/her life. All the same, “judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy." Unless one doesn’t leave any attachements behind, "the crime of suicide lies rather in its disregard for the feelings of those whom [one leaves] behind", to put it in E.M. Forster’s words.

Suicide is a unique phenomenon observed only in humans. Isn’t it odd that the more intelligent we are, the more complex we become? Perhaps, there are times when we need to learn to let go of our ideals and accept life as it is. After all, Providence doesn’t always let things be the way we wish. Still, if one manages to overcome the ordeal and make Providence laugh on the other side of his face, isn't that a sound reason to keep going?