Detachment

Originally written in Chinese:
“老板，我要洗照片。”
“有底片吗？”
“有，在我脑海里。”
“怎么洗啊！”
“我怕某天我会忘记…”

"I'd like to print some photos."
"Do you have the negatives?"
"Yeah. They're in my memory."
"How can I print them for you, then?"
"But, I'm afraid I might forget..."
~ Chung Ling Sixth-Form Graduation Magazine, The Waves 2005

Seldom do I take photos. I guess this is partly because I'm camera-shy, and partly because I'm sentimental. Even mere memories are enough to overwhelm me with nostalgia; let alone photos that serve as reminiscences of the past.

Of course, there're always memories worth reminiscing. Unfortunately, through the passage of time, even the sweetest fruit will turn sour; even the dearest memory will turn bitter, for time is the greatest theif of all. It reminds us of the heartless truth that we do not even own the present. All things go with time's relentless flow while we can only hold on to their phantoms; the memories they leave behind.

Being somewhat aloof by nature, making the decision to leave the country is no big deal at all. Afterall, without attachments, there's not much that I'm leaving behind. I can always make a fresh start elsewhere. But, that's what I thought.

These few weeks have been totally enjoyable compared to my usually nondescript, routine life. Quite contrary to my more-introvert-than-extrovert nature, I've been hanging out past midnight three days a week, having fun and meeting fantastic new friends of sorts. Now only I realise how much I've missed... and how much I'm going to miss.

Unfortunately, everyone's leaving Penang. It's only a matter of who's going first. When will we have the chance to gather and have fun like we had, only heaven knows. Even by then, things would have changde; the future is full of uncertainties. And for one thing, we can no longer be able to enjoy ourselves as carefree teenagers.

Despite being initially thrilled, suddenly, what is in store for me makes me feel utterly feeble. The scariest part is I do not know what's ahead!

For now, I can only hope I'll derive enough mental strength from somewhere, somehow, to cope with the detachment which I'll have to face.