Chemical David on the Loose

Arm! Arm! it is—it is—the cannon's opening roar! ~Lord Byron

Where are the UN weapons inspectors? I have a case to report – my neighbour is found to possess weapons of mass destruction and is capable of unleashing a chemical warfare which can kill countless innocent – uh – insects…

You see, the place where I live in is notoriously infested by insects. Especially during nights, exoduses of beetles, moths, ants and every kind of creepy crawlies imaginable can be observed swarming the homes of those who negligently left open the windows.

Much akin to the evils that crept out of the Pandora’s Box, these six-legged creatures are inexplicably drawn away from their nests by the fluorescent lamps, plaguing the very nerves of the unlucky inhabitants of this accursed land.

A few days back, Uncle David was seen downstairs, wielding a cylinder of potent chemical, which is capable of instigating a genocide on the colonies of all six-legged creatures alike.

Having saying that virtually no one has a soft spot for creepy crawlies, it is not unexpected that Chemical David (formerly known as Uncle David), with a heart of steel, went on a killing frenzy, spraying insecticide all over the place. A few seconds were all it took before the wriggling ants eventually dropped dead. (Oh Father, how should this sinful act of cruelty be atoned?)

Soon, a nerve-soothing scent wafted in the air as if to mask the putridity of malice. It happened that Chemical David had been using the new generation of insecticide developed from the latest formula. What he had in the cylinder is a cocktail of a one-litre water-based insecticide plus some sweet-smelling ester. Now, that brings up another question, did David mistake the insecticide as air freshener?

But, the lunacy did not just stop there. Chemical David went on spraying on the grass in the lawn! (?)

I seriously doubt that the UN Security Council would see to this problem, but the least that I can do is to call in some green politicians. It doesn’t take an avid science fiction geek to tell you that insecticide can possibly cause mutation among the organisms that might have survived the massacre. This, plus Mr Puffer’s gene-altering nicotine (refer to previous post, All Fagged Up) and you’ll get a new generation of mutant man-eating plants.

For the time being, all –

“What is it, mom? A rat-size cockroach in the kitchen? Coming!”

Excuse me, please. I’ll be right back…