Saturday, September 16, 2006 - 10:47 am

You "Toot" Me Off

I woke up this morning and decided that he toot-ed me off. That's normal, actually. People toot me off every now and then. But, thanks to my bad memory, it's no big deal at all - usually.

However, I can tolerate weirdos and psychos more than toot-ful people like him. I don't know how a horny ape can pick up the hormonal scent of a potential mate from a mile away but he's that kind of person that radiates an aura of toot-fulness so strong that I can feel the vibrations from the otherside of Mount Fuji. Unfortunately, for us, like our constellations, our vibrations just don't match.

That brat - even when we cross each other's paths, he never seem to care enough to even say "hi". To him, I'm perhaps just another stone by the pavement - you just don't stop to greet every stone when you're taking a stroll in the park, do you? Not that I don't want to take the effort to initiate a conversation with him but more often than not, it will elicit no response - which makes me wonder if he's either mute or deaf. Nah, forget about it. I'd rather go talk to the tulips. Besides, it's better this way because when he decides to reply, it's often a oh-he's-so-clever quip that toots you off and makes you regret talking to him.

That manipulative brat! How I still remember that when he needed help, he could be oh-so friendly. But after that, he'll just relegate you to the dusty "people-I-used-to-know corner" in his memory.

Calvin complains, "Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words." Yeah. But you also get toot-ed off more often when you don't know any swear words.

Toot! Toot! Toot! Toot! Toot!

Jeez. Being toot-ed off like this makes me a toot-ful brat like him too. Who knows how many of you out there are stabbing at my voodoo doll!

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