Homesick already

Good-byes breed a sort of distaste for whomever you say good-bye to; this hurts, you feel, this must not happen again. ~Elizabeth Bowen

Another day to go, but where's that initial thrill? Why is it that I'm feeling depressed instead?

No 'special one' to leave behind, no loose ends to tie up; therefore, no feeling of longingness - that was what I thought. Until these very recent few days, I've been deeming this as some sort of a vacation - thinking of all those interesting places I'd like to visit and the allegedly prettier-than-your-average-girl-next-door Japanese girls I'd like to meet. Well, those are basically the things people compliment about Japan with "oohs and ahs".

Unfortunately, I'm not there on a long vacation. I'm there to study. Oh great! Which brings lots of other worries to mind, like coping with Japanese language. Even though I've taken about four months of Japanese class, my command of the language is no better than a kindergarten kid. Nilly willy, I have to get a strong grasp on Japanese after one year because everything will be conducted in Japanese in University. That's main concern number one.

Besides, once in Japan, most of our certificates here will become nothing but mere rubbish - not even the prestigious STPM results. So, it's kind of like a fresh start there, totally. The first year at Tokyo University of Foreign Studies is more or less like a repetition of form six - from what I understand - except that the subjects are all in Japanese. I don't even think I can recall much of what I've learned. Now, it's in Japanese? Great! What's worse is that we're required to sit for a university entrance exam. Sigh, it's like sitting for STPM all over again. So, to secure a place in prestigious universities like Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka University, we'll have to do well in the exam. That's another thing to worry about.

Then, there's those Japanese culture and customs which we'll have to adapt to. Oh yes, one who is not familiar with the culture might easily offend the locals. Heck, even in daily conversations, one has to bear in mind his social status and constantly remind himself of the appropriate terms to use.

Another matter which also concerns me (although it seems trivial) is whether I'll get used to Japanese food. So far, the only Japanese food that I like is sushi and seaweed. If my delicate tastebuds remain fussy over Japanese food, I think I'll eventually have to eat seaweeds to extinction, or survive on readily available tatami mats. I hope the latter is not as bland as dried twigs, though.

To add to those concerns, there's also the pain of leaving the familiar faces. Friendships which I hope could be further established, simple gestures of kindness shown by my parents which I was quick to overlook, and the noisy chatters of my naughty little brother... I didn't know it'll be so difficult emotionally until now. So, is this how it feels to leave for somewhere far? Sigh, this farewell is laden by a heavy air of longingness.

Sigh, it may sound strange, but I feel homesick already...