Mass Hypnosis

He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice. ~Albert Einstein

It is a laughing stock that despite being homo sapiens who are supposedly sapient enough to have our own free will, some people just don’t enjoy this liberty. Instead, those that make up the foolish multitude readily subject themselves to the whims of others, at least in the subconscious level. Such phenomena are dubbed mass hypnosis. Commonplace though ridiculous, marching and music concerts serve as good examples.

Marching develops one’s self-discipline, they say. However, just because I hate marching doesn’t mean I’m sloppier than you and my room is more like a pigsty than yours. No sirree! I don’t believe it can shape one’s character. Neither does my mom, luckily! Otherwise, she would have forcibly enrolled me into the nearest army camp!

I never like marching, despite the fact that I was a scout for two years. (How I became one is just another of those silly mistakes I’ve ever made.) But the point is, there are only two kinds of people who are involved in marching: sadists and masochists.

When I joined boy scouts as I first entered secondary school, we had a bunch of seniors who takes pleasure in their juniors’ pain. Every Saturday morning, we were required to attend a marching session in the wee hours, when we were still in a semi-comatose condition – half-asleep, half-awake.

Our commander, whom I believe is a perfectionist, would bark orders in front of the squad and expect everything to go accordingly, flawless. Twenty push-ups was a standard punishment for each mistake made. In short, woe shall betide those who failed to march to precision. I guess I have a good reason to hate marching.

Anyway, watching the others marching in the field is a form of amusement. Come the sports day and you’ll have a chance to ridicule those in marching squads.

Firstly, there are those from the school band who dress up colourfully (and not to say, outlandishly) like the Nutcracker. Away they march into the field, followed by the Police Cadet. I never seem to be able to stifle my laughter as I see these people marching in such an awkward manner as if they have severe athritis. They simply look like the Tin Woodman (from The Wizard of Oz) who hasn’t got his joints oiled. And, oh, as for the scouts, they march more like humans than machines, much to their rigid trainers’ chagrin.

As a rule of thumb, you need to brainwash your members if you want to have a perfect marching squad. In other words, a commander has to degrade his members into non-thinking entites that follow each of his commands without question. It thus amazes me how these people can seem to march on forever till the end of the world if they were not given the command to stop. What do you all this, if not hypnosis?

Music concerts are by large another form of mass hypnosis, which occurs at a greater magnitude. Take the recent Summer Concert, for instance. Fans were screaming as if they were bitten on the butt by some crazy dogs; some wildly shook along with the music as if they were high on drugs. Where else can you see such a chaotic scene? Noise pollution aside, I believe the crowd greatly contributed to global warming as well.

Never in this lifetime will you see me attending a concert like this. Most importantly, I don’t think it is much of an enjoyment to be elevated to the threshold of pain. Of course I can always choose to stuff my ears with cotton buds. But no thanks! I would rather stay at home. Don’t you notice that artistes usually sing off-pitch on stage? Frankly, even pirated CDs sound better than a live concert!

One of our local artistes, Michael Wong, was invited to Penang to perform in the Summer Concert. A day prior to the concert, he was spotted in Mc Donald’s in Gurney Drive. A friend of mine, who is apparently an avid fan went into a a state of frenzy, jumping up and down as if he was on a pogo stick upon hearing the news. “Did you manage to get his autograph? Did you? Did you?” he asked the other lucky guy who happened to be there at the same time as Michael Wong. The beaming look on his face was like that of an excited child’s face who just heard his friend met Santa Claus. “Did you manage to get Santa’s autograph? Did you? Did you?”

It is quite understandable if you like Michael Wong, because personally, I do. But, some people just have such shocking bad taste that they worship punky rock bands and rappers with perennial mouthache that they chant more than sing. And more ludicrously, there are even those who get bored listening to the best singers that they decide to switch to the worst ones, like our lovable William Hung, for instance. All of William’s fans out there, sorry but I’ve waited long enough to say this: William is more of a clown than a singer. Nevertheless, as a consolation to all of us who wish to strike it big, if you can’t be the best, you can become equally successful by becoming the worst.

Then, there are also those least sensible of all, who go into such an extent as worshipping their idols. Even though some celebrities have such bad fashion sense which earn them a place high up in the wanted list of the fashion police, whatever they wear, their fans would comment, “Gorgeous!”. And heaven forbid, if someone is willing to spend half his fortune to purchase Britney’s alleged pregnancy test kit, likewise, I can safely bet that a toothpick used by Brad Pitt can easily fetch millions on E-bay. Sometimes, I just wonder if the status of idol worshipping should be elevated to an official religion.

What do you call this if not mass hypnosis? Call me nerdy but this kind of trend is certainly not for me. No way!

By the way, Michael Wong’s songs are great, so is his down-to-earth fashion sense. I wonder where I can get his autograph…