Post-mortem

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. ~Albert Einstein

Don’t get misled. I may have suffered from blows in this recent exam but, no, I’m still far from being dead. After all, I’m not the guy whose MSN Messenger’s display name reads “requiescat in pace”, or translated as “rest in peace”.

Forgive me for breaking my promise but the subject still subtly embeds in the psyche. It’s just that sometimes, no matter how much one tells himself not to wallow in the past and to move on with life, he still can’t help revisiting the memories. It’s like watching the replay an old film for the umpteenth time despite the fact that it fills one’s heart with sorrow and makes him sob. That’s all because it means a lot.

But, still, the most important part is that it provides me the opportunity to look for the missing piece, which, despite my frantic search, has not surfaced. Worse, I don’t have a clear picture of happened and is happening. How am I supposed to know which piece is missing when I haven’t even come close to completing the puzzle?

Some may very well think that bygones should at best be left forgotten since the outcome can no longer be altered. However, it helps me to pick up the confidence to end the previous chapter and continue narrating my life in the new one; it forms a link between the present and the future. Perhaps, it is this missing link that I have been searching for.

Now, I understand that I have taken the wrong way round since the very first step. Instead of wooing you and winning your heart before taking the bold step, I did exactly the other way round – spilled out my heart’s contents, watched the drama unfold in a fashion which couldn’t have be more predictable, and tried to mediate the outcome as best as I could. The development is totally unnatural. It gives the uncomfortable, surreal experience of reading a story which starts with the climax, while progressing to the resolution and ends with the development of the plot right after the epilogue. Everything just doesn’t seem to be in place.

It is no wonder that the whole episode doesn’t seem to anyone. No, not even me. The crude jeers of the others have done me no harm. But still, I need to ask you not to bring up the subject.

On another matter, call me clichéd but I can’t think of a better way of wording what I feel about life. We fall from time to time as we progress through life’s journey. From where I have fallen, I have two choices. One is to stand up, let the wound heal in time and move on with life. Another one is to sit there, whine in pain and refuse to continue the journey lest I should fall again. I choose the first option. Learning from the past strengthens the spirit so as to prepare it for tougher challenges to come – that matters the most.

Anyway, thanks for leading me to another small step in the quest of self-discovery and for helping me to learn a new lesson on life. However will the story end, you have been in one of the chapters and this has made a difference.