Caves and Caverns in the School

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. ~Jack Handy

… Not too far inside, water seeps through and drips from the ceiling above. It is this process which has taken thousands of years that form the breath-taking, beautiful columns of stalactites and stalagmites of odd shapes. Ahh, once he starts working with his chisel, Time the sculptor never cease to amaze us!

… As you venture further into the cavern, you may have the opportunity to gather some (man-made) guano as a gift to your lovely bougainvillea…

Now, the above is not an excerpt from a travel brouchure, but rather, a discovery I made recently. Once again, I present you the bizarre discoveries from the prestigious Chung Ling High School – its lavatories, to be precise.

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m by no chance a maniac who uncannily loves to observe – (God forbid!) of all places – the loos. It has attracted masses of pilgrims as well. There are those who go there for official business and also those regular visitor who are merely escaping from somnolent lessons. These are among the pious ones who visit the loos five times a day without fail.

The “caverns” which I mentioned just now are none other than the gents on the groundfloor of the Sixth-Form Block. Normally, I would visit the one on the first floor (the one which is more famous among the pilgrims) but there was an occasion when it was so full that I immediately diverted my course to the one on the groundfloor, lest I might get entrapped in a stampede.

So that was when I made the swashbuckling discovery. However, I am a hopeless narrator who tends to describe things out of the actual scale. Okay, there were stalactites and stalagmites alright… Only, they are in the infantile stage… very far unlike those gigantic ones you find in the Niah Caves in Sarawak or in the Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico.

The point is, the loo is leaking and if you are so unobservant as to walk under the leakage, there is a fat chance of getting some of those you-know-what landing on you… I have no idea how long this will last but I think the school is trying not to spoil the natural wonder so that one day, the loo (cavern?) can get into the UNESCO list of natural heritage.

Speaking of caves, I can’t help mentioning the Paleolithic mural painting (but I prefer to call it a cave drawing) which could be found in the other lavatory. No, not the one in the Sixth-Form Block this time, but the one near the school canteen. There was one drawing which showed that our Mr Flintstone was highly civilised – in short, it meant: use the toilet if you need to ease yourself.

So, it was a great loss to archeological scholars when the school janitor white-washed the age-old cave drawing. To this blasphemy, dear Flintstone responded with his fresh signature at the exit of the loo, with the words “I’m back” beneath it. Ooo, spooky…

Now, for those of you folks who wish to arrange for a guided tour around the caves and caverns in the school, kindly place your reservation with my secretary. Registrations are based on first-come-first-served basis. Have a “yabba dabba doo” holidays!