ID number: 111373074567257396
Permalink: http://escapist5.blogspot.com/2005/04/dreamer-escapist.htmlUntell the secrets told
Unbreak the heart broken
Unshed the tears shed
Undo the grief done
If all these are but futile
Resort to escapism
~The Escapist
Finally, after grovelling at the lowest ebb for a couple of days which felt like eternity, I turned to a self-assigned project as a solace – a major revamp for my blog. Of course, the idea did not just pop out from thin air, but rather from an accidental visit to my friend’s blog. I used the word “accidental” because I did not know he has a blog and a fortiori, did not know of the address; neither did I get it from someone else. But then, how I ended up there I will not tell – the magician never reveals his bag of tricks.
The first task, of course, was to sniff out the source of the template used and to choose a skin for my own blog. These were done without much difficulty. The major headache realized, however, when it came to designing a custom layout. Countless hours were spent staring at the head-scratching and unintelligible codes… sizing and resizing the elements in the page… looking for the best colour scheme for the headings and posts purely by trial and error… previewing the results with different browsers and resolutions… It was a tedious job, an ambitious project, but the rewarding end results are self-satisfaction and the sense of achievement – which definitely boosted my ego to a healthy level after my period of grief, during which I suffered from extremely low self-esteem.
And that is how I discovered by chance the best, albeit an unrealistic way, to temporarily relief the mind of woeful memories. Sometimes, when problems start to get a little too crowded and suffocating, it is best to loosen out by ignoring them. However, more often than not, it poses a great challenge even if one summons all the might of his faculty in doing so – the human mind has the bad habit of remembering the things which are at best, left forgotten.
A few days back, the terrible tempest that marauded my crumbling life showed no sign of abating. Gloomy clouds curtained my world, blocking the warmth of the sun away from me. As I was looking for a shelter to brace myself for the worst, sun rays filled the world once again; eerily, the weather changed so suddenly as if at the flick of the finger by a mighty Power. And He, I later realised, is the stagehand who had merely conjured an illusion of calm and serendipity amidst the play, by blocking reality away from me with props and stage sets. Not withstanding the absence of the usual warmth in the rays, it offered me solace.
There are also times when I try to escape from Grief, though I am very well aware of his omnipresence and that no mortal can outrun him. That is when I hide myself in a maze to keep Him out of sight. But, does that mean He is not around? No! For he can sense the fear emanating from His prey, and inches towards him unknowingly, observing from around the corner, getting ready to pounce and ensnare the cringing victim matchlessly. I have witlessly locked myself up in the Labyrinth of King Minos, in which resides no hideous Minotaur, but Grief, the faceless wraith.
The sun shines brilliantly from atop the labyrinth. In the midst of this cat-and-mouse game, I try to reach out for it but could not. I can only take in the view of the sky which I share with the world outside, totally oblivious of the looming shade and of those cheering for me from behind the walls. Daylight is but a short-lived period, for I know, in this living tomb, it is extremely short. As the sun proceeds towards the west; as it makes an angle with the walls, the maze is cast in shadow – darkness falls prematurely. It is then that I have to face my old fears.
Legend has it that the Minotaur that terrorised the people of Cretes was eventually slain by a mighty hero, Theseus. Now, here I am, confronting not the half-man-half-bull but a cold, dark shade. Theseus or not, I know I must stand up and face Him one day. I am but now mustering will and courage to come out from my hiding place and take Him by surprise, challenging Him to a duel hand in hand. I shall make Him laugh on the other side of his face. This is what I promise myself, or at least, persuade myself that I will do.
Sometimes, how I hope I can fall into a deep slumber, drifting off to far-away realm where dreams are reality and reality is ever so sweet. How I wish I am a prince with a lovely palace in that distant land, my sanctuary.
Should I be a dreamer, or merely an escapist? I wonder.
P/s: To everyone of you who showed concern during the dire moments, please accept my heartful gratitude. Rest assured that I am feeling a lot more better now. I am but a Jeremiah who is a total pessimist moaning over small issues. The mind is currently taking its vacation from all stressful thoughts. For the time being, I shall accept Providence as it is, with acquiesce. The problems shall be dealt with later – or so, I think.
The first task, of course, was to sniff out the source of the template used and to choose a skin for my own blog. These were done without much difficulty. The major headache realized, however, when it came to designing a custom layout. Countless hours were spent staring at the head-scratching and unintelligible codes… sizing and resizing the elements in the page… looking for the best colour scheme for the headings and posts purely by trial and error… previewing the results with different browsers and resolutions… It was a tedious job, an ambitious project, but the rewarding end results are self-satisfaction and the sense of achievement – which definitely boosted my ego to a healthy level after my period of grief, during which I suffered from extremely low self-esteem.
And that is how I discovered by chance the best, albeit an unrealistic way, to temporarily relief the mind of woeful memories. Sometimes, when problems start to get a little too crowded and suffocating, it is best to loosen out by ignoring them. However, more often than not, it poses a great challenge even if one summons all the might of his faculty in doing so – the human mind has the bad habit of remembering the things which are at best, left forgotten.
A few days back, the terrible tempest that marauded my crumbling life showed no sign of abating. Gloomy clouds curtained my world, blocking the warmth of the sun away from me. As I was looking for a shelter to brace myself for the worst, sun rays filled the world once again; eerily, the weather changed so suddenly as if at the flick of the finger by a mighty Power. And He, I later realised, is the stagehand who had merely conjured an illusion of calm and serendipity amidst the play, by blocking reality away from me with props and stage sets. Not withstanding the absence of the usual warmth in the rays, it offered me solace.
There are also times when I try to escape from Grief, though I am very well aware of his omnipresence and that no mortal can outrun him. That is when I hide myself in a maze to keep Him out of sight. But, does that mean He is not around? No! For he can sense the fear emanating from His prey, and inches towards him unknowingly, observing from around the corner, getting ready to pounce and ensnare the cringing victim matchlessly. I have witlessly locked myself up in the Labyrinth of King Minos, in which resides no hideous Minotaur, but Grief, the faceless wraith.
The sun shines brilliantly from atop the labyrinth. In the midst of this cat-and-mouse game, I try to reach out for it but could not. I can only take in the view of the sky which I share with the world outside, totally oblivious of the looming shade and of those cheering for me from behind the walls. Daylight is but a short-lived period, for I know, in this living tomb, it is extremely short. As the sun proceeds towards the west; as it makes an angle with the walls, the maze is cast in shadow – darkness falls prematurely. It is then that I have to face my old fears.
Legend has it that the Minotaur that terrorised the people of Cretes was eventually slain by a mighty hero, Theseus. Now, here I am, confronting not the half-man-half-bull but a cold, dark shade. Theseus or not, I know I must stand up and face Him one day. I am but now mustering will and courage to come out from my hiding place and take Him by surprise, challenging Him to a duel hand in hand. I shall make Him laugh on the other side of his face. This is what I promise myself, or at least, persuade myself that I will do.
Sometimes, how I hope I can fall into a deep slumber, drifting off to far-away realm where dreams are reality and reality is ever so sweet. How I wish I am a prince with a lovely palace in that distant land, my sanctuary.
Should I be a dreamer, or merely an escapist? I wonder.
P/s: To everyone of you who showed concern during the dire moments, please accept my heartful gratitude. Rest assured that I am feeling a lot more better now. I am but a Jeremiah who is a total pessimist moaning over small issues. The mind is currently taking its vacation from all stressful thoughts. For the time being, I shall accept Providence as it is, with acquiesce. The problems shall be dealt with later – or so, I think.
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