Confessions of a Teenager

It takes a minute to like someone, an hour to love someone, but to forget someone takes a lifetime. ~Unknown Author

Once in a while, when Venus, the ruling planet of Libra has its greatest influence, the sentimental side of a Libran will predominate. The epiphany came on one of those days, perchance. It began with a casual eye contact with her, which somehow liberated me from the ennui of the day. There was a gush of emotion so foreign, yet overwhelming, accompanied by an irrepressible onslaught of energy. The diagnosis, of course, was clear-cut: I had a crush.

Well, I have read about countless accounts of such a phenomenon in the youth column; it is something typical amongst hormone-charged teenagers; something I used to dismiss as nonsense. I told myself I have better things to do than to impetuously plunge into a game of puppy love. At least not now. Love can wait.

Just as I thought I was susceptible neither to Cupid’s arrows nor Aphrodite’s spells, Love crept up on me at the least expected moment. This girl whom had not drawn my attention suddenly became so attractive. Convivial and phlegmatic by nature, she has a great number of friends. Her looks may be modest but she exudes a certain je ne sais quoi which results in a lot of secret admirers gravitating towards her, with me recently joining their rank. Perhaps, it has to do with her opaque eyes which reflect unfeigned sincerity and are able to heal the wounded soul of any mortal man who set eyes upon them. In short, she is a paragon, if not, an earthly angel. She is the one, I told myself.

I tried approaching her, for starters; chatting with her to find out more about her interests, likes and dislikes. I was tongue-tied most of the time, thanks to the overwhelming level of adrenaline. Anyway, every moment spent with her is a moment of treasure. Hence, a perfect example of Einstein’s theory of relativity put in layman’s terms: when you are sitting beside a nice girl, and hour seems like a second; when you are sitting on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour.

Unfortunately, Fate has the cruel habit of playing around with mortals’ feelings. The girl happens to be dating a boy with gusto, who turns out to be an acquaintance of mine. Should I make my confession and wreck their relationship? Heck, I did not even have the confidence of winning her heart. I may be pessimistic but there was obviously the possibility of me being rejected. After all, I’m no Prince Charming and by no chance the answer to the prayers of a maiden.

I realized there was no chance of kindling a relationship with me being so passive and unconfident. All the while, I am only sitting on a bench, observing her as her love story unfurls before me. I thought I would leap into the picture as soon as opportunity presents itself, but it turns out that the longer I waited, the thinner my chances get. At last, I decided to forget every little thing about her. However, this is easier said than done. For the first time in my eighteen years of life, my Libran analytical mind fails to weigh the situation and let her go so that I could continue with my life. Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

Love, as I found out, is a curious thing. Researchers have tried to poke into this primitive emotion, trying to understand the chemistry of love but found themselves no closer to an answer. Love is a miraculous feeling which may be initiated by simple actions: a casual eye contact, a gentle touch or a friendly conversation; Love is a magical feeling which stimulates the brain into producing feel-good hormones, thus placing lovers in a constant rapture; Love can also be a motivation and an impetus which drives mortals into achieving great things - or relieves them of a sound mind as they go gaga. To put it in Jules Renord’s famous words, “love is like an hour glass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.”

Do I regret giving up? I lost the game but won in the other way. This epoch-making event has changed my philosophies on life. In my humble opinion, life is all about making choices. Upon reaching a fork in one’s path, dilemma ensues as to which one to tread. Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” best sums up the doubts of a person making a difficult choice. By taking the path of my choice, I was denied the opportunity to discover the other possibility. I was proud to be able to make my decision; yet, I pined deep down. Life does have its crests and troughs which every mortal has to tread.

However, the hope of kindling a relationship with her still glows faintly within my heart. “Let providence decide,” I told myself. Let providence decide...