Searching for the Lost Smile

It's amazing how sometimes, you wake up in the morning and suddenly see things in a different light.

For longer than enough, I've been wallowing in self-pity. Long enough for me to have eventually lost my previous self. I pretty damn know that it's corrupting me, but I've been so acquainted with it that I started to accept it as part of myself.

Looking at the people around me, I realised that it is those who're happy that happiness seeks. Yes, I may get some attention by feeling bad for myself. But in the end, I end up feeling worse. Whether I feel good or bad depends mostly on me. So, why not try to make things better for my own sake?

A change in point of view should be helpful.

Say, when someone purposely tries to make your life miserable, the best way piss him off is to return it with a smile. When someone keeps telling you how lousy you are, thank him for pointing out your weakness so that you can improve yourself.

Undoubtedly, what I went through hurts a lot. But, all the pain that I suffered would be vain if I do not gain something from it. Yeah, easier said than done, eh? What have I gained, then? It took me quite some time to seek it, but I'm glad I eventually discovered it.

Firstly, thank you for being my motivation during the end-of-term exam. The mid-term exam was a disaster and if I screwed up the other one as well, I'd be done for sure. But no, I couldn't let that happen because you were there.

Thank you for the good times you spent with me, although I have to admit that there were bad times as well. I wish we could go on, but just as I get to make my decision, you get to make yours too. Fair and square. I was too selfish to have overlooked that. I've tried my best to try to make things work out, but I can't blame you for giving up.

There're still a couple of questions lingering in the head. Yet, no longer am I insisting on the answers. From now on, things shall be the way they ought to be. Broken promises there are, but I shall not break the last promise I made; and from you, I hope for the same thing as well.

Although a certain regret and faint hope still remains, I've ceased to stubbornly hold on to them. Unpleasant episodes always appear worse when you're going through them. But once you get over them, look back and you'll be proud of yourself for having gone through the obstacle. For that reason, I believe I've grown stronger. I can't tell what other obstacles are there waiting for me but at least, if something unpleasant does happen again, I can just shrug and say, "Ah, I've been through such things. I can make it, alright."

Ups and downs are inevitable parts of life. It's futile to attempt to avoid the downs so what's important is to recover from them. Whatever happens, take your time to get over it but make sure that you learn something from it.

For those who supported me through those seemingly hopeless days, thank you, too. For those whose concern I crudely ignored, I'm sorry but again, thanks.

The search for the lost smile is over. I hope it can stay with me for as long as possible. But, even if I were to lose it again, I know where to look for it once more.