Game of Pain

"Please. Can you calm down and think over it... if you haven't done that yet?"

Three more months to go and the mere thought of it is painful enough. Things will surely change after that. All I can hope for is that they'll remain the same for the time being. I'd like to indulge myself in this temporary moment of bliss. But now, I'm not sure if we'll be able to stay this way till the imminent end when we'll eventually be parted.

Perhaps, I shouldn't have doubted you and pressed you to think over the matter. Now, I'm afraid that you'll come up with a different reply. Despite being told repeatedly that your feelings haven't changed, I still can't be sure of that.

Yeah. They haven't changed. But what if there was nothing to begin with?

I need to have a definite answer...

I'm confused. We don't seem to talk much, do we? Like not more than friends. But when you hold my hand, the feeling is always so warm.

The time I spend thinking about you is both bitter and sweet. No, to be frank, there's more bitter moments. Yet, the sweet moments compensate that all. Whenever I think of just ending it before falling deeper, I just can't. I just want to hold on.

Holding on till I eventually lose my grip and fall into the hollow, bottomless pit beneath...

I used to think that mutual feelings is the only thing essential to a relationship. But no, that's not all to it. As one rationalizes his feelings, it becomes a game of pain.

Cold, Dark, and Painful

Walking aimlessly down the street in a cold night, suddenly, it starts to hurt.

Somewhere near the ankle of the right foot. Don't quite remember when I sprained it. Don't know exactly when it started. At least a few days ago, maybe. Sometimes, it just goes away. But sometimes, it hurts everytime I take a step.

Looking up into the sky, there it is, the waxing moon - some distance towards the east, the Orion.

"Southeast from the Orion's belt lies Sirius, the brightest star in the night sky."

Nevertheless, it's more like an insignificant star in the sky, no matter how much it outshines the others.

Down the same path as six days ago. Except that it feels cold this time, even with the gloves on. And, the leg hurts. There just doesn't seem to be anyway to get rid of the pain. The more I neglect it, the more it hurts, as if appealing for me to stop.

I can take it. Just let me go on a little more.

No. You can't. Turn back now. Get back to your room already. It's cold out here and this walk won't do you any good.

Okay. Good enough. Just a little more and perhaps I'll going back.

Somewhere in the middle of the park next to the pond, a guy is playing a sad tune on his guitar. Looking up into the sky once more, the waxing moon is shining faintly through some clouds. Sirius is still shining as brightly as before.

Go. Go back already! The right leg protested once more.

Yeah. I should better return and think of someway to deal with this pain instead of instead of forcing myself to walk down the path. But, I don't feel like going back to the room. I don't want to go back to reality. I feel so like going on...