Broken

Too much tears shed,
Too much time wasted;
Just let go and forget,
As it is fated.

Note: If you’re having doubts on whether this is directed to you, chances are: it isn’t. However if you still insist on carrying on, do this poor guy a favour by forgetting it after reading. Many thanks.

To Whom It May Concern,

I’m sorry it has to come to this but I do not seem to have much of a choice. I guess, the pain is more than I anticipated and more than I can endure.

When a person is hurt, there will inevitably be a period of grief. It is during this time when he is most vulnerable as haplessness and self-pity undermine cognition. There is then, not much a difference between him and an ensnared beast – feeling confused and impotent.

The magnitude and duration of the suffering may vary from individual. All is well if he succeeds in surmounting the issue; woe betides he who fails to undo the bindings. It is in the latter situation in which a distressed man would seek a radical approach, which is nonetheless, crucial. Radical because it bypasses the process of cognizant considerations; crucial because it stems from the atavistic instict (albeit a selfish one) for the sake of survival.

For so long, I’ve been caught in a one-way traffic, naïvely resorting to it as a preferable alternative. I don’t mind showing you concern and attention but at the very least, show some appreciation. Lest you’re unaware, let me tell you once and for all, your little actions do matter a lot. Yet, I’m ashamed of myself for having need to say this. Who am I, in the first place, to demand anything from you? You have made it clear from the beginning but I’m the foolish one who adamantly insist on hanging on.

Perhaps you did not notice it, or, perhaps I’m a tad too sensitive. The truth is, sometimes, small actions speak louder than words – body gestures, facial expressions – they subconsciously convey the subliminal truth that you’re uncomfortable with my presence. I understand it may not be deliberate because it is rather the inner-voice which is cautioning the consciousness to be wary. Still, there is no point fooling myself; there is no point fooling yourself, either.

I’ve come to learn the hard way that, concern, without reciprocal isn’t the way. It doesn’t work. I’m unfortunately neither as magnanimous nor as open as I thought I am. From what I see, this has got to end.

Sad to say, the tough guy image I project has long been relegated as a legendary but distant person that I was. I’m no longer as confident as I seem to be but rather, an empty vessel. Howeverm I’ve ventured thus far by myself, and no doubt, I can go on, alone, however disheartened I may be.

As far as I know, you don’t call it a choice when you’re not in the position to decide. Currently, the only “choice” I have is to completely put you off my mind. I’ve wasted too much time and energy.

My apologies. That means I can’t keep up with my promise. I may have to avoid you for the time being – at least until I find a better solution to deal with my emotions, or until I’m ready to face you once more.

May both of us have peace of mind.

*Conflicting thoughts: There were second thoughts on posting this entry but I deem it necessary as a means to organise my thoughts and more importantly, to vent my dismay. No hard feelings, please.


Yours truly,
Broken