Bolehland Boleh?

We have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either. ~Mark Twain

Located directly above Lion City is a queer land with strange happenings. This place is none other than Bolehland, as we Bolehlanders fondly call it.

Of course, our country did not get this name without a reason. It owes its humble origin to M , our revered former Big Guy No. 1. You see, M’s prowess as a politician was greatly noted in the twenty-odd years with him at the helm. During his tenant, M led the nation into a whole new era, introducing ambitious schemes and visions. Unfurled 14 years ago, the “Bolehland Boleh” plan was set to modernise the nation. Needless to say, we Bolehlanders look forward to that day but whether the dream will realise is still an unknown.

If the progress of a nation is to be judged by the efficiency of its Government, be assured that M’s vision is not beyond our reach, because here in Bolehland, the Big Guys are a highly-efficient lot. Hey, we’re talking about a bunch of people who can propose a new idea, hatch the plans overnight and approve it the next morning before you can say “voilà!”. Never mind about the details. They can be ironed out later.

Here in Bolehland, politics is the Big Guys’ game and never dabble in it for no one knows exactly what happens behind the stage. But as a rule of thumb, the Smaller Big Guys should never even think of opposing the Bigger Guys because once Zeus up there finds out, stray thunderbolts shall shower upon the defiant. And when dark secrets come popping out of the pan like pop corns, chances of escaping are nil. These people are very well aware that there is no point insisting on their innocence because the Commoners don’t really know what happened exactly; the other Big Guys are mere nimbys who know better than to interfere. Not in my backyard, man!

Sometimes, the wind of politics can change directions more often than our monsoons. First, Big Guy No. 1 flicks his finger and his wish shall be the Smaller Big Guys’ command. Whatever it is, there will surely be no opposition. In fact, everybody cheers and nods in acquiescence. But when Big Guy No. 1 leaves the round table and passes the baton to his successor, everyone starts to have second thoughts. Then, they are talking about reverting to the former way. Such is the case with our teaching medium in schools.

Speaking of education, I can’t help mentioning the fact that our youngsters are growing smarter and smarter than the previous generations, thanks to our system of education. Never mind about those Dragonlanders learning tougher maths than we do in Bolehland. We believe letting our children learn more could only turn them dumber. Heck, the statistics speaks the truth! We are having more high-scorers each year.

The odd part is that each year there are top students who somehow couldn’t secure scholarships from the Government. Year after year, the same thing happens even though Mr. Big Nose gave his promise that such cases will not happen in the future. No, you don’t need a psychic to predict that. The press would then highlight such sensational topics and Big Guy No. 1 would descend from Olympus, demanding Mr. Big Nose to look into the matter. There will be lame excuses given by the Mr. Big Nose but the issue gets resolved nevertheless.

Here in Bolehland, the right to practise any religion is stated in the Constitution. But, when someone tries to unite people of different faiths, or discusses religious issues in coffee shops, or builds giant teapots which easily qualifies an entry in the Book of Records, he is called a deviant. Such teachings are considered occult practices and the Government starts to give pressure, while some openly denounce the leader. When some religious fanatics finally decided to burn down the teapot, the case did not gain much attention from the authorities than a terrorist attack.

I really hate to brag but we Bolehlanders are a sympathetic lot, ready to help out those in need. When disaster struck our neighbour countries last year, the public responded overwhelmingly, eager to become good samaritans to lend a helping hand. Some donated money, some donated food; some donated worn out undergarments, some donated unwanted belongings. You name it, we have it. So you see, when it comes to giving help to the needy, we are always there. Never mind about our country folks whom we promised to help. They can wait.

Recently, the Bolehland Boleh plan sparked new interest as Big Guy No. 1 reminded us that we have only fifteen years left to realise our dream. So, do you think we can achieve our goal? There is no doubt we can! Because we Bolehlanders believe that learning more doesn’t mean becoming better; because we Bolehlanders have strong faith in the infallible Big Guys; because we seriously think Hollywood movies are a negative influence to our youngsters. And on top of that, we pray to God regularly.

God bless Bolehland!